Category: Daughters

I see her, with her floating hair and tall, straight spine. I see her with her “walk-a-little-walk”, shimmying away from me. She turns and winks over her shoulder at me and for a moment we look into each other’s eyes. She smiles that smile, the one that says “Mum, I see you too” and we hold each other’s gaze a moment longer. Then she takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders and she’s off again, all grown-up and classy and sure of herself . I am FILLED with pride, yet tears stream down my face. She is ready.

Moving to Mauritius has made me acutely aware of the fact that I have an adult daughter. A grown-up child who is forging her own way in this world. A human being capable of making her own (good, because thats how she rolls) decisions and of choosing where lives, what she does and how she wants to do it. And it is a rollercoaster ride for me, as her mum, to experience this all with her and away from her.

It is a really weird feeling to know that “my work here is done”. It gives me a funny bubbling in my chest – an almost heartbroken yet excited feeling. I am torn between complete awe and total devastation. I look at this human I created, this beautiful (like really, really beautiful) creature I spent almost every waking moment with for almost 20 years and I am just gobsmacked and gut-wrenched all at once. She is magnificent and she is not mine any more (even though she is and always will be). It makes me want to run and hold on to her forever and at the same time, I want to release her and see her do wonderful things, because I know that is what she is destined for.

I prayed for her, this daughter of mine. From the day I knew she was coming, I prayed.  I asked for wisdom in raising her and for the strength to do a good, a Godly job.  I didn’t succeed a lot of the time, but many times, I did. I prayed for her to be strong (“She is clothed with strength and dignity, she laughs at the things to come – Prov 31:25). I prayed that she would know God and seek him with all of her heart (“Seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness and all of these things will be added unto you” – Matt 6:33), I prayed that she would be wise and kind ( “She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” – Prov 31:26). I prayed that she would know who she is (“By the grace of God, I am what I am” _ 1 Cor 15:10). Mostly, I prayed that she would know Love and that in return she would show love (“Let all that you do, be done in love” – 1 Cor 16:14). And she is all of these things. And I continue to pray. For all of these things, for all of her days. And for my other daughters, for all of their days.

I am grateful I have this time. This time to learn with Courts and this time to still enjoy with Ry, Mica, Emme and Jett. I pray that I can mindfully navigate parenting an adult while I traverse these fields of parenting children, preteens and teens. I pray that I can let go and hold on at the same time. I pray for the wisdom to stay present, to drink in the moments. To not allow time to be a thief but rather, to allow it to be a giver of good gifts. I pray that I never forget that the attachment theories I parented my babies with are the same theories that will grow well adjusted and healthy adults (as much as is possible). I pray that in all of it, that my children feel loved. Beyond measure. Always.

And so to you moms with daughters, a day is coming when you will have to face what I am facing (and it creeps up so quickly). I can not prep you adequately for this. But, I can say to you – what you put in now matters! The amount of love you LAVISH on her, means everything! The hours of sleepless nights, the tedious Barbie movies and shared popcorns, the fighting over homework or the late night chats over tea … they all matter. Every word you utter, matters. Every thing you teach her, good or bad, matters. I would encourage you to mindfully continue this journey, knowing that when your time comes, your words and actions and LOVE have a lasting impact. None of us can give our children a perfect childhood, none of us can be perfect. But, we can be mindful of the way we are equipping our girls (and boys). She will one day be someone’s friend, someone’s student, someone’s girlfriend, someone’s employee, someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s employer, someone’s aunt and on and on it goes. Everything we do now matters. And then one day, it is done.

Raising strong girls is something I am passionate about (I am also passionate about raising a strong, kind boy) . I have four daughters, so I guess its a good thing I am. I would love to hear some of your thoughts on raising women and would absolutely love to answer some of your questions, if you have any. Pop me a message in the comments section and lets start a little series on “Daughters”.

In closing, the lyrics to the song “Daughter” by Sleeping At Last: