Its in your Mind

I am constantly amazed by the mind. Quite honestly, it is our most powerful weapon for or against us. Our days are spent more IN our minds than they are anywhere else. And what is incredibly overwhelming to discover is that about 98% of our daily thoughts are the same as those we had yesterday and at the very least, 80% of them are negative.

It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, we are wired to rewire. I love that! I love that while we have the ability to be “stuck,” it is entirely possible for us to change that, to “unstuck” ourselves. Not all our thoughts have to be the same and they most certainly do not have to be negative. What is even more encouraging is that while we are rewiring our brains, we are also enabling the brain to function at a higher level, improving memory, strengthening our immunity, slowing down the aging process, speeding up recovery after trauma, illness or injury and loads more.

What do I even mean by rewire? Well, it all starts in … the mind.  And the scientific term for it is “neuroplasticity”. It is the brain’s ability to use thoughts to change its actual physical story. In other words, every time we think a new thought, a new neurological pathway in the brain is created. Every time we think that same thought, the pathway is reinforced. BUT, every time we stop that thought, the pathway becomes less and less until we find we are no longer thinking that thought and it has been replaced by a new thought, which in turn has made a new pathway. The more new pathways we make, the more the brain actually changes. When we are making new pathways our brains begin to function at higher and higher levels, our memory improves and we generally begin to feel better. This encourages us to think more thoughts and slowly, our negative cycles of negative thinking become positive cycles of new ideas, thoughts, desires and so we go. It goes without saying that if we keep thinking negative thoughts, the reverse happens.  

Some ways I have begun to practice rewiring my brain are by doing no less than three Sudoku puzzles a day, by reading every night before bed, learning new crochet patterns, singing new songs, writing this blog, doing some writing work in the business world and by homeschooling my children. Each time we do something new, we create a new pathway. I reinforce some of those pathways (like song lyrics) by repetition and then once I have them memorized, I move on from it, leaving it to wait for me to need it again. My kids are amazed that I know my multiplication tables by heart (or mind). What our teachers didn’t realize was that by teaching us some material in a “parrot fashion” way, they were reinforcing neurological pathways. I’m grateful (although I know this is not the only way to learn so please don’t think your kids should now learn EVERYTHING parrot fashion).

Another wonderful practice I learned about in the book, “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron, was something called “Morning Pages”.

I have a daily practice of three longhand pages done first thing on awakening, hence, “Morning Pages.” The pages clear my head and prioritize my day. I think of them as a form of meditation. There is no wrong way to do the pages. You simply keep your hand moving across the page, not pausing to take what I call “mental cigarette breaks.” It is as though you are sending the universe a telegram: “this is what I like, this is what I don’t like…” Implicit in this, “please help me.” If the pages are meditation, they are also a potent form of prayer.” – Julia Cameron.

What happens when we do this “brain dump” first thing every day, is that we take any lingering thoughts from the day before and release them on to the page, making space for new thoughts. This not only encourages creativity and inspires us toward new things, it also gives us a sense of accomplishment. This sense of accomplishment then releases dopamine, our achievement hormone. The higher the dopamine levels in our bodies, the higher our alertness, focus, creativity, long-term memory and concentration. It is a win-win.

I could go on and on about this, I really could. My hope in writing this is to inspire you to “change your brain” and to take captive those negative thoughts. Lets rewrite our stories and turn this otherwise tumultuous time (Covid, lockdowns, no travel etc. etc.) in something new, something wonderful.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on the subject (although I have studied it), and I do not profess to be a doctor or to have all the answers. But, there are loads of actual doctors, like Drs Caroline Leaf, Norman Doige, Seth Hays and Richard Dividson, who are experts on the subject and who offer some incredible insights. I would highly recommend that you to check out some of their books, papers, talks, videos and interviews.

Moments

Moments. Fleeting and beautiful. I dreamed I would be able to one day stand outside of time and revel in a moment like this. I hoped that I would see my children finding moments in their days to “just be”. Life is busy. It is full-to-the-brim with things to do, people to see, classes to take and the list goes on and on. We tend to cram as much as we can into a day and then fall, exhausted, into bed where we “sleep it off” only to wake the next day and push repeat.

Moments. Fleeting and beautiful. I dreamed I would be able to one day say, ” We take time for moments, however fleeting and beautiful. They are our exhales, they are our stolen joys, our imaginations soaring above the day-to-day. They are the wings we give our dreams and the permissions we give our thoughts to grow”.

Life tells us that in order to be successful, we need to fill our days with work and busyness. That a good day is one where we are drained by bedtime and have so much more planned for the next day. I beg to differ. Love tells us that a good day is one where we have mindfully navigated our to-do lists, managed our time well, been outdoors, eaten incredible meals, drunk enough water, read beautiful words, had good conversations, connected with our people and most importantly, found time to, just for a moment, rest in doing nothing.

I see a girl, so much like myself, taking some time to just be. I see her loving herself, seeing herself and listening to her own needs. I see her removing herself from time, for just a moment. I hope that by instilling a mindful outlook in our children, we will help them to realise and appreciate when they need to take time for themselves and in so doing, that they will become adults who see the value in living wholeheartedly. That they will become adults who love themselves enough to “take a moment”.

It’s Simple

I started my simple living journey many years ago after years of clutter and too much “stuff” in my home. Over time, I have incorporated slow living and mindful, wholehearted living into our simple way of life.

Too much stuff, 2011
It was just chaos
And SO much red … what was I thinking?


When I think about how we live, I see it as a big exhale of the trappings of modern day life and the chaos that, oftentimes, ensues. People ask how we manage to keep our home neat and tidy with four children living at home, on top of homeschooling. They ask how we cope with “so many kids”. They sometimes look at us as if we are crazy, and, for the most part, this is probably true just not in the way that they think.

Getting better
And better
An almost clutter-free room for 3, 2017

I can honestly say that the more we have simplified our “stuff”, the easier life has become. It is easier to keep our home clean and tidy, it is easier to “be” in our space, we all feel free and relaxed because our home feels open and peaceful to us. We don’t have clutter, so when things start to get a bit untidy, it is quick and easy to clean it all up.

My favourite space of all time, 2017
Learning to make spaces feel open and airy, even when they are small. Courts’ room, 2017
Getting better and better at the clutter-free life, 2019
Our last home in SA, 2019

I don’t have all the answers and I am far from being the perfect role model for simple living. It is a journey and it takes time. Moving to Mauritius was a blank page for me in terms of belongings. We arrived with a suitcase each.  Emme and Jett brought some Playmobil over and Em brought her two dolls. Other than that, we really just had our clothes. Fast forward a year and a bit and we have already had to do a declutter. Its insane the amount one can gather without even noticing.

Our Home in Mauritius, 2020
Clean lines, Mauritius 2020

 I am not a minimalist, but I do have some minimalist tendencies and this can sometimes work against me, too. Sometimes I declutter too much and suddenly realize I got rid of things we still use or need. As I said, it is a journey. One I am ever learning on. I hope that as I journey, I can inspire people to start exploring simpler ways to live, which is why I will continue to write on this forum. It is also the reason I decided to start a Facebook page for “Exhale” and an Instagram account. Please follow along and ask as many questions as you can think of. Lets see where this journey takes us.

slow

Emme and Jett are sitting in the huge red tub Marc bought me to bath in (another story for another time, suffice it to say I miss having a bath). They are playing some random mix of a doctor game, Playmobil and something to do with a belt and a bandage tied together. Its drizzling outside, as it has been for days now. The “joy” of living on a tropical island – lots of rain. I found a playlist on Apple Music called “Acoustic Chill” which is probably a little melancholic given the dreary grey skies outdoors and relative quiet indoors. Regardless, I have it playing and somewhere in my chest/abdominal cavity there is a bubble of nostalgia that I keep having to ignore. Perhaps I should change the playlist?

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Any way, this day is moving nice and slowly. We have done our school work, folded laundry, tidied and cleaned all that needed tidying and cleaning and now we are in that glorious space between all we have done and goûter (afternoon snack) where the big girls get tech-time and the younger two get to do whatever they like. I like this slow pace.

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You will notice, I love this word “slow”. I even like to just say it , “slow” (as opposed to “from” which I hate saying). I am a firm believer in slow. Especially since having kids. I want time to move slowly. I want us to move slowly through time. I want to do everything slowly. I want to live “slow”. Ryen recently told me to “preach what you [I] practice”, and on this one I really can say I’m doing just that. It is my mission in life to just slow it all down.

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But why? A while back I listened to a series of preaches by Andy Stanley entitled “Breathing Room”. Our then home church, Linc, also did a series with the same title. And what really struck me, was the idea that in order to live more fully, to find happiness, to be more ALIVE, people found themselves cramming as much as possible into their days. On a quest for more they added more. The whole idea is actually so backward and so sad. Truth is, if we really want MORE, we have to have less. We need to do less and take more time doing it. The analogy of folding paper and placing it into a glass jar was used. A person was told to crumple up, ball up, scrunch up paper and put as many pieces into a jar as would fit. The natural response was for that person to hurriedly scrunch and shove. Soon enough the jar was full and the person was pretty pooped. It’s tiring scrunching and shoving. A second jar was brought out and the person was told to neatly fold the same amount of paper as he used in the scrunch jar, and systematically place each folded piece into the jar. The jar didn’t even get a third as full as the scrunch jar. Not only was the jar not filled, the person folding and filling took his time and didn’t feel pooped at the end. In fact, he took a similar amount of time to do what looked like “more” work and landed up with better results.

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There is much I can say, I could really write a whole thesis on this topic. That series changed my life in so many ways. For one, it led me on a road to “Simple Living”. And on that road, I found “slow”. Slow is me taking time for more. More connection with my kids and my husband. More connection with my environment and with the present. More connection with myself. And, more connection with God. A beautiful by-product is that I get “stuff” done more efficiently, I fit more into my day than I used to be able to and on days when I feel like not fitting so much in, I have grace for myself because I know myself better than I ever have before. I value slow because I have seen its value come to life in my own life.

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I am sure I will speak lots more on this as time goes on. I would love to hear from you – your thoughts and questions on the idea of “slow”. Lets unpack this a little more.

 

 

 

aware (and pics of our time with courts)

It is hot. Heat wraps around us like a blanket and trickles down the back of my t-shirt. Outside, I hear fruit bats calling to each other. I can smell the rotting mangos on the driveway and front lawn where they fall, bite marks perforating their green and red skin. I’m sure rats also enjoy them once they have fallen. This morning, a beheaded rat was left for us on the front doormat. A gift from the two feral cats we have been feeding. We have named them George and Cricket. I think Cricket is the mom, she is bigger than George, more wary of us humans. George is inquisitive and we leave doors open for them after their evening meal in the hopes that they will get used to us and come inside. George looks in and then runs back to Cricket, his safety net.

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I am sitting in Emme and Jett’s room waiting for them to fall asleep. They have had their bedtime story and are starting to settle in. I’m eager for them to sleep so that I can go catch some alone time before I go start the evening ritual with the bigger two. We are settling in.

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We are midway through January and I have yet to take a moment to give thought to the year ahead. I am not worried. We started the year off calmly, enjoying a proper holiday with Courts. We spent ten days together as a family, reading, swimming, eating, sleeping. It was such a beautiful and intentional time and, I think, exactly what we all needed.

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Now, I can feel us finding a rhythm. We have some routines in place. Some rituals we are beginning to follow. I even find myself doing things in order when I wake up: get up, drag the washing basket to the kitchen where I turn on the kettle and then begin loading the washing machine. Once that is done, I unload the draining rack and dishwasher and then make my morning cuppa (or my second cup if Marc has beat me to the first one and delivered it to me in bed) and wind my way back to my bed to enjoy my cup in silence. It is the same every day.

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IMG_0353IMG_8164IMG_8159IMG_0384I love this sense of rhythm, this moving easily from task to task, all the while breathing in the life around me. I like the almost predictability of doing some of the same things every day. I like hanging the washing in the sun, flicking each item out to rid it of wrinkles and smelling the new soap we use. I like making a snack plate of apples and peanut butter for Emme and Jett and hearing them squeal ,”Apples” as if it’s the best snack ever. I like setting the table while my dinner is finishing up on the stove, laying each utensil neatly, a glass above each knife, the napkin folded into a rectangle in the center of each place. I like calling my family for dinner and then checking the time, noticing that we eat around six thirty every evening, whether I am trying to or not. I like that we are finding our groove and that the honeymoon period of living on a tropical island seems to have worn off and we are starting to actually LIVE here. I like that at the end of last year we decided our family word for the year would be “flow”, and it seems to already be fitting. What I love most about it, is that it seems to have slowed us down and settled us into a simpler way of life. Into a time where we are noticing life as it happens around us. I feel as though we are more aware.

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Aware. Perhaps that will be my word for this year.

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saturday

We are having a slow Saturday. Most days here are slow, so when I say, “a slow Saturday”, I mean slooooow. Our initial plan was to wake up and head down to the beach, but Mica and I only got to sleep after 2am because the rats, or bats, in the roof where having a Friday night party that sounded like 3 grown men were dancing up there (exaggerated, but you get the idea). Needless to say, the beach morning didn’t happen. A long lie-in happened.

 

Emme and Jett have been playing Playmobil all day. I have read and flicked through Instagram, done a bit of washing, sipped coffee and nibbled panne chocolat (our Saturday morning tradition). At lunch time I made our other Saturday tradition, ham rolls, for lunch (so much for being plant based) and after that I went outside to hang my washing.

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These tiny rolls will be the undoing of me. They are too, too delish!

Slipping off my shoes I curled my toes around a few blades of grass and felt the tickle of them, which made me smile. I stopped. I looked around. The sun was beating on the top of my head, reminding me that summer isn’t far away and this will be our first Mauritian summer. I felt a slight breeze slide across my face and the smell of my fresh washing wafted up to me. I looked down and saw my shoes, the washing, the pegs, my feet. And it looked so good. So real. I was 100% in the moment. I took out my phone to capture the moment, in the hopes that one day, when I see it, I am reminded to live in the moments. To take great pleasure in small things.

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